I have dealt with anxiety ever sense I can remember.
Let me explain:
I focus on everything that could go wrong and because of this, I rather not try new things and stick with what I know. This is why I STILL, at 28, do not know how to ride a bike. This is also why I took so long between high school and college.
I also have this feeling that I’m never doing enough. This thought pattern has molded me into what some may see as an over achiever when in reality if I have any down time, my mind begins to wander down the rabbit hole where I begin to over think EVERYTHING. So I stay busy.
Now combine this with a need to be needed…
Mix in some impostor syndrome
add a dash of obsessive nail biting
bake for 30 minutes and there you have it!
An intern that thinks she is doing everything wrong. My experiments are all working, the data is all lining up and everyone keeps telling me “good job!” But there is still that part of me that doesn’t believe them. I know what I am doing. I’ve been doing molecular research for over a year now (at school and now this REU) and I was still afraid to turn the autoclave on.
This is life with anxiety.
-Lady G
Well, you should be applauded that your took the step to apply to RECCS. I’m sure it created great anxiety to apply and think you may not get a spot in the program. You ARE doing a great job, as is everybody else. The good thing is that you will have all of us forever rooting you on!
I feel exactly the same way! I know that you’ve got this!! Your pictures are so awesome to look at and every time I see you I learn something new about the research you are doing and how it fits in to the ‘big picture. Keep it up Lady! And if you ever want to give the bicycle another try, we’ll take on that challenge too!