Impostor syndrome (according to Wikipedia) “…is a psychological pattern in which an individual doubts their accomplishments, and has a persistent internalized fear of being exposed as a ‘fraud’.”
One of my fellow NOAA interns (not from RECCS) told me about this over lunch on the Friday of our first week on the job. I wasn’t familiar with the term, but as she described it, it made sense why she followed up my small mental-breakdown-freakout-confession to her with this little dose of perspective. I TOTALLY had imposter syndrome. “Why did they choose me? I have no experience with this stuff. I’m lost. This is hopeless and I don’t belong here. Maybe this was a mistake…” All my self doubt had been flooding my mind all week and even into the next week. It’s hard not to feel doubtful of yourself when everyone seems to know what they’re doing. I mean, we are working around Grad and Phd students after all, it can get intimidating. It seemed like everyone was asking me things I didn’t know the answer to, and when asked if I’d taken this class or that class, I felt so defeated shaking my head no. But here I am, third week in and feeling like a BOSS! Ok, maybe not quite that, but I really do wonder why I’m always so quick to doubt myself. It’s a shame really because all it does is hold me back from realizing my full potential. I’m feeling that sense of confidence now, coming into my own, and rockin and rollin on my project. This stuff is hard. It’s complex. These students I’m around have been at this research for years, and I’m here holding my own, understanding the things they’re explaining, jumping in head first when just three weeks ago, I didn’t even have a clue about space weather or why it’s so essential to understand solar processes and Earth’s magnetic field. I feel darn proud of myself and of all of us. Even if we don’t end up getting a career at all similar to the research we do this summer, we will have gained something, a foundation, that only an experience like this could provide. A sense of capability and assuredness.
